Oh, you're pregnant?!

Ok ladies, if you've ever been or currently are pregnant, I'm sure you'll know right where I'm coming from here.

There are some things that you just DON'T say to a pregnant woman.

During my pregnancy, I had the joy of working in a local restaurant, so I was constantly interacting with people which allowed me lots and LOTS of time to compile a list of things that drove me absolutely nuts when people would say them to me...

For those of you who haven't been pregnant or had one of those freakishly easy "I only gained a half a pound and never got sick" pregnancies, take note!

10. "You're carrying high, it's definitely a boy!" I'm pretty sure I heard this at least once a day, usually after someone asked me if I knew the gender yet (to which I would reply "it's a girl"!). Low and behold, half the population has a 6th sense about them that has turned them into walking, breathing ultrasound machines. I had one woman actually tell me that if I had a girl, she was going to be a tomboy because she doesn't want to be a girl based on the way I was carrying... Backoff ultrasounders!

9. "Why are you tired? You should be sleeping all the time now!"... I especially loved hearing this one from men. Let's go through the list of things preventing my peaceful slumber... A. There's a 20 pound beach ball growing off my front side, not the most ideal situation for comfort! B. I pee LITERALLY at least once every hour... Sleep soundly though that? I think not. C. The child in my stomach is working on developing her tap dancing skills on my ribcage. D. Once the tap dancing stops, she starts boxing training on my organs. E. I am about to have a BABY! I'm bringing a HUMAN into this world! There's a million things to be done before she gets here, there's no time for sleeping!!!

8. "Should you really be eating that?" If I had followed all the dietary suggestions I received, I would have been living on spinach and multivitamins. I'm not saying that you shouldn't watch what you're putting into your body. I was very cautious and cut various things out of my diet per my doc's suggestions, but don't deprive yourself. You're growing a human... you need some nutrients!

7. "Don't you have anything cute you can wear?" Please take not of the massive growth I'm carrying on my front side. Find me a place that carries clothing that'll fit over my bump without breaking the bank and I'll gladly buy some. Have you seen the prices on maternity clothes? Outrageous! I'll stick with my leggings and XL Sweaters, thanks!

6. "Let me guess your due date!" For your own safety, you probably just better not.

5. "How much have you gained??" Are you asking that because you think it's 5 pounds or 50? Why are you asking that at all?? Why is a bulge in my gut suddenly an acceptable reason to discuss my weight publicly? I vote no.

4. "Do you need ice cream?" If I'm already in a foul mood, offering me cliché pregnancy foods is probably not the best route to take. If I want to eat something, I'll let you know. Once I let you know, get your behind moving and get it to me STAT.

3. "You're HOW FAR past your due date???" Yeah, 2 weeks, trust me, I'm well aware. Stop telling me to walk, drink pineapple juice and ride on railroad tracks.. If there's a theory, I've tried it! This child will make her arrival when she's ready.

2. "You have no idea".... This didn't get me as bad in the beginning, but as time went on this seemed to be the response I'd get from people every time they'd ask how I was doing. "Do you have morning sickness?" "Yeah, I haven't been able to eat much of anything for weeks" "You have no idea..." ...ummmm yeah, after 2 months of constant nausea and vomiting, I think I've got a pretty good idea. "Is she moving a lot?" "Yeah, I think my bladder is her punching bag" "You have no idea"... There's a 7 pound child beating on my bladder constantly, I think I have a pretty good idea. Just trust her when she tells you how she's feeling, she knows exactly what she's dealing with!

1. "Oh, you're pregnant?!" ....nope, this is a watermelon I put in my shirt for special occasions. Seriously, if someone tells you they're pregnant, just send your congratulations. If they're past 4 months, chances are she's feeling pretty huge and your surprise at her announcement is NOT going to help her feel any better. You might as well just look her right in the eyes and tell her you think she's a whale. Not cool. So, so not cool.

Now remember, every woman is going to be completely different in how they feel during this miraculous time in their life, so it's your job as a person who interacts with them to NOT push an unnecessary buttons. Follow my list, use some common sense and well.. just don't be dumb and the world will be a much happier place. Or at least hers will!