Poison Tits

Motherhood is a rollercoaster.. there are ups, there are down. There's good, there's bad. There's successes... but are there failures?  Really?

Well, I've got to tell you, for a while, I thought I was one. Before my baby was born, I was gung-ho about breastfeeding. I was going to breastfeed my baby, it was going to be totally perfect, we were going to save tons of money and she was going to have tons of health benefits from it.

At the hospital, we had trouble getting her to latch. Luckily, I had an amazing nursing staff and they introduced me to the nipple shield. Crisis #1 averted! With that handy dandy little piece of silicone we were able to exclusively breast feed for 3 weeks- that's when the screaming started.

It was like the flip of a switch- one night, she let loose. She screamed, and screamed... and then screamed a little more... We tried everything: rocking, pacifier, bouncer, walking, car rides, singing, you name it.

I started pumping and bottle feeding so I could track her consumption. We started giving her 2oz every 2 hours. When that didn't seem to satisfy her, we increased to 3 oz. The screaming continued and we saw a doctor who told us it was colic. Great... The notorious, inconsolable, inevitable episodes of crying for hours on end were ours to enjoy.. The good news- they say it usually resolves itself around 12-16 weeks.. only 8-12 weeks to go!

Luckily, my persistent, overly worried, new mom instincts told me to keep digging.

I decided to try supplementing- thinking maybe she just wasn't getting what she needed from my milk. We tried Similac Sensitive, Enfamil Gentlease and Gerber Good Start.. to no avail..

Finally, following the advice of my aunt (who experienced the same situation with her daughter) we decided to try a lactose free, cows milk allergy blend. The little miracle called Nutramigen.

It was amazing. We started giving her exclusive formula and it was like a miracle had happened. The crying stopped. She was a whole new baby!

After 3 weeks of wiping my diet clean of all dairy and soy, I tried breast milk one more time. The screaming started again..

I felt like a total failure. My breast milk was actually HURTING my baby. She was screaming in agony and discomfort from the belly pains caused by my breast milk..

It was time to quit trying and stop putting my little one through the struggle...

Things had again taken a turn from the way I planned them, but accepting the defeat has led to a much happier household overall. My baby has not had tummy pains and (although our wallets are aching) our sanity has been somewhat restored.

Sometimes, you're dealt a batch of poison tits. It doesn't mean you're a bad mom (though the crazy hormonal changes you'll experience from "drying up" will likely make you feel like one!). Things happen, good bad and ugly. It's called parenting.  Slap some leak guards in your bra, buy yourself some ice cream and a giant glass of wine, and get pumped to quit pumping!